I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Barsexuality is the new black.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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