At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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