I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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