Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
