i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
