Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We need a shit load of segways right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
