that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
