i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
