It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
