I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
