I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
