woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
