Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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