I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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