oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
