went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
