he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
