My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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