Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
