Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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