And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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