Pants 0. Shit 1.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
