he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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