Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
