So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
