Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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