Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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