I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
