I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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