Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
