I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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