Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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