i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
