So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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