he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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