He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
