I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
