I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There r osticjed everywhere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
