cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize