i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
