I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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