I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
