Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I only lived at night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
