What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
