How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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