is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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