My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
