I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
