My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
