I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
