I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bring me that man meat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
