Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
