So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
now i know why i became what i already was.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
