not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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