I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize