Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
