p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize