Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i barfeds in our rink
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
