You're so nebulous sometimes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
