The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize