So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
