Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
