I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize