I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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